Hi Reader,

The acronym WTOH? (“What’s The Opportunity Here?”) is scribbled and posted throughout my home. Indelible reminders that strength and weakness are choices.

In spite of hardship, adversity, or even trauma, I always get to choose my outlook. I always get to choose the story I’m telling myself. I always get to choose my next move.

So whenever the defecation hits the oscillation, I pause and ask myself, “What’s the opportunity here?”

When I do, my inner hero arises. Victimhood comes grinding to a halt. This powerful mantra-question allows me to see new possibilities, new paths forward. It reveals what otherwise would have remained hidden.

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In his post “The Obstacle Becomes The Way,” Ryan Holiday points out the Stoics had an exercise called turning the obstacle upside down.

“If you can properly turn a problem upside down, bad is constantly a new source of good.

“Suppose for a second that you’re trying to help someone and they respond by being surly or unwilling to cooperate. Instead of making your life more difficult, the exercise says, they’re actually directing you toward new virtues — patience or understanding, for example.

“Marcus Aurelius described it like this: ‘The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.’”

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WTOH? is the mantra I drill relentlessly into the heads of my clients. I don't let up until they're asking it. Here's a text I sent one of them this week:

“When Lynn is dismissive or grumpy or doesn’t respond the way you had hoped, you can either:

• Complain to the Universe
• Waste time stewing over it
• Mope around the house
• Punish her by retreating to your man cave (and push her further away)

“Or ...

“You can take your power back by asking, ‘What’s the opportunity here?’ Is it to learn something new? Stretch yourself? Love her when she least deserves it? Crush your old passive-aggressive tendencies? Pray for her?

“What is it?! What’s the win?! What’s the hero move?! It’s there if you’ll look for it.“

I asked all the wrong questions while attempting to rebuild trust with my wife:

• “Why is she making this so hard?“
• “Why is she never happy?“
• “Will she ever recognize the positive changes in me?”
• "Will I ever be good enough for her?"

Bad questions.

Probably because they're not questions, but complaints masquerading as questions. Evidence of a victim mindset.

“What’s the opportunity here?“ is very different. It will move you from power-less to power-full. From passive to active. From weak to strong. From hurting your cause to helping your cause.

Ask it and you'll see. At any given moment, we’re always one decision away from a completely different outcome.

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Put It to Work

1. Write today’s quotes in your journal.
2. In the face of difficulty or disappointment, practice asking, “What’s the opportunity here?”
3. Write down every new thought. It doesn’t need to be momentous, just new. Anything! An insight, a date-night idea, a feeling of conviction, a hunch, a hopeful thought about your marriage — write it down. New thoughts create new possibilities! New possibilities create change!
4. Post WTOH? throughout your home until asking it becomes second nature.
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Connect with Me

What landed?

What’s your biggest takeaway?

I’d love to hear from you.

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Your Coach,