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How a Bid for Connection Turned into a Brawl
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Words. They’re a big deal. Here’s the thing: You don’t get to choose what your wife says. You don’t get to choose her words, even the ones directed at you. But ... You do get to choose the meaning you give them. Case in point: As dinner was winding down, the wife of a client said to him, “You didn’t thank me for dinner.” It turned into a brawl. Why? Because he decided “You didn’t thank me for dinner” meant: “What’s wrong with you?! You never do anything right! You suck. You’re bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! Bad husband!” He attached his own meaning to her words. He interpreted his wife’s simple statement as an attack, a put-down, instead of what it proved to be — a bid for connection. Epictetus was right: It’s not things that upset us, it’s our judgment about things. Let’s rewind the tape. Using this example, the next time your wife says, “You didn’t thank me for dinner,” there are two ways to hear it: “You’re a bad husband!” Or ... “I need a little more from you right now. Would you get in my space? Would you put your phone down? Would you make eye contact with me? Would you connect with me?” Remember, it’s always about CONNECTION. So instead of taking her comment personally:
That will change your marriage. That will change you. |
Hi, I'm Jeff.
I help husbands grow and become great men. The kind their wives swoon over. Join the one percent! New content delivered weekly.
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