Hi Reader,

“Dumb and dumber” is a fairly accurate description of my approach to marriage.

Case in point:

My wife was a trained dancer and actress. She enjoyed the theater. I didn’t. That was my story, at least. The truth is, I didn’t allow myself to enjoy it. There are two reasons why:

1. I was a workaholic. Yes, I could squeeze in the occasional 90-minute date night, but a Broadway show? Hell, that was an all-day affair. Who has that kind of time?
2. Tacos and margaritas at a local Mexican restaurant meant we would get home in time for sex. A Broadway show? Fuhget about it.

Now for the dumbest part ...

On the rare occasion that I accompanied my wife on her trek to the Theater District, I believed:

It wasn’t.

Some of our biggest train wrecks took place when I did what my wife wanted to do ...

But I did it begrudgingly.

Throughout the “date,” I emitted a chronic, low-grade vibrational frequency that said to my wife:

• In case you weren’t aware, this is one of my least favorite things to do
• Will this be over soon?
• I’d rather be anywhere but here
• I’m such a saint
• I better get sex for this

I have a lump in my throat just typing those words.

It must have been excruciating for her.

There was no blood, smoke, or twisted limbs in the aftermath of each ruined date, but the trauma was real and the impact was devastating.
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Every Woman’s Question

A client of mine also had a heart that was two sizes too small.

When he was forced to reschedule a meeting in order not to miss dinner or date night, he would, in his words, “throw an attitude” the entire time.

His wife once asked him:

“Isn’t it enough that we’re together?”

It’s not just his wife’s question ...

It’s your wife’s question.

Together.

“Isn’t that why you pursued me?”

“Isn’t that why we got married?”

“And isn't that why — there at the start — you got down on one knee and asked for my heart?”

(Because as every person and every Who knows — love doesn’t shrink — love only grows.)
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You Need a New Adverb

Rubbing her feet begrudgingly is worse than not rubbing her feet.

Dancing with her begrudgingly at your nephew’s wedding is worse than not dancing with her.

Both are bad, but begrudgingly is worse.

Do it or don't do it.

But don't do it begrudgingly.

That will ruin your marriage.

The opposite, of course, is to rub her feet or dance with her willingly.

Gladly.

Eagerly.

With gusto.

Like the old days.

Why? Because you love dancing in public and making a fool out of yourself?

No, because you’re together.

And that’s enough.
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Put It to Work

1. Write whatever landed in your journal or notebook.
2. Screenshot the image above and put it somewhere prominent.
3. Find small ways throughout the week to answer her unspoken question, “Isn’t it enough that we’re together?”
4. Choose willingly, gladly, and eagerly over begrudgingly.
5. When you’re with your wife — whether it’s on the couch or inside Radio City Music Hall — raise your Romantic IQ by saying things like, “There‘s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here. Next to you.”

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Your Coach,