Hola Reader,

I got into a fight with my wife over our wedding invitations. O, the irony! You can’t make this stuff up.

Some backstory:

Earlier that year, we had agonized over our wedding invitations. We wanted them to be just right. Do we go for elegant? Traditional? Hip? We finally decided on something we both liked.

Box checked!

Fast-forward a few months. We’re hanging out and my about-to-be bride says out of the blue, “I’m not sure I like our wedding invitations. Maybe we should change them.”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?”

It was all downhill from there.

Here’s what I didn’t know then:

While us guys typically wrestle with or process an issue by ourselves, our wives typically do it with others.

We like to retreat and think about the issue.

They like to find a friend and talk about the issue.

Out loud.

Same goal, different mechanism.
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“I’m the Map!”

The next time your wife hits you with something out of left field, remain calm. Realize it’s likely her way of saying, “Hey, this might be a really good idea or a really bad idea. I can’t tell yet. Would you process it with me?”

Don’t react. Don’t pick it apart. Don’t pass judgment on whether it’s prudent or not. Sensible or not. Affordable or not.

Huh?! Say nothing?!

No, take her side by saying this:

“I’m willing to explore that.”

You’ve just been nominated for your first “Husband of the Year” award.

If it fits and feels more honest, go with:

“That’s a little different than what we talked about, but OK, I’m willing to explore that.”

Either way, you took her side.

You turned toward her.

You made it an us moment instead of a me moment.

Excelente!

Grab your wife’s hand and in your best Dora the Explorer voice, shout, “We did it!”

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Your Coach,

P.S. I was tempted to drop the humor in this email to make sure the point didn’t get lost: “I’m willing to explore that” is a game-changer! Memorize it, use it, and enjoy the reward of greater closeness and intimacy in your marriage!