Hi Reader,

Life will never defeat me.

There’s one simple reason why:

Personal evolution is my highest value.

I’m committed to a lifetime of learning and growing and becoming a badass. Anything less would bore the crap out of me. To quote Lennon & McCartney, I’m “getting better all the ti-i-ime.”

Do I ever screw up?

Quite often, actually.

That’s where this week’s winning mindset comes in. It’s a close first cousin to last week’s WTOH? and a mantra I repeat endlessly:

“Never a loss, always a lesson”

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A quick story:

I practice a daily rhythm called digital sunset. All screens are powered down at 8:30PM, and I spend the last 90 minutes of my day reading, studying, reviewing my goals, and journaling.

But it wasn’t always that way.

My evening routine changed years ago when an acquaintance (who rambles and doesn’t respect my time) called just as I was getting into bed. My first thought was, “Better not answer.” My second thought, which won out, was, “I’ll keep it short.” 45 minutes later, after I had pried myself loose from the conversation, I lay in bed unable to sleep — fuming at myself:

“Jeff! WTF?! You know better! I was falling asleep an hour ago ... now I’m wide awake. I’ll be lucky to get four hours of sleep tonight. Tomorrow is gonna SUCK!”

I know, not very productive or empowering self-talk.

Fortunately, I had come across “Never a loss, always a lesson” that same week. I thought, ”I could continue to beat myself up and fixate on the ‘losses’ of my poor decision — loss of time, loss of sleep, loss of brain function and productivity tomorrow — or I could learn a valuable lesson and never put myself in this situation again.”

I hopped out of bed, grabbed my journal, and wrote this:

“THE LESSON — If I don't value my time, no one else will. ACTION PLAN — Protect my time, especially in the evening when my energy is low and my defenses are down. Be strategically unavailable. Turn off all devices at 8:30. Set a daily alarm in my phone as a reminder.”

I’ve never looked back.

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One morning, I heard from a client who had been making consistent progress for months. On this particular day, however, he answered my greeting with, “I really screwed up.” The crestfallen tone of his admission said, “I did it again. I’m such an idiot. There’s no hope for me. I’ll always be this way.”

I’m amazed at how quickly we throw dirt on our own graves!

I said to him:

“From now on, there’s no such thing as, ‘I really screwed up.’ Eliminate it from your vocabulary. From now on, there’s only:

• “I learned a valuable lesson.”
• “Moving forward, here’s what I'll do differently.”
• “I’m ready to go beast mode and kick this thing’s ass.”
• “I’m getting better all the ti-i-ime.”

Own your crap — of course! — that’s one of our Core Commitments. But make sure you marry it with gritty optimism and an unyielding commitment to grow and get better.

It sounds like this:

• “I screwed up over the weekend. It was a real eye-opener. Can you help me process it? I know there’s a breakthrough here.”
• “I lost it with my wife yesterday. Raised my voice and slammed my fist on the kitchen table. I sat with it this morning and think I know where it came from.”
• “Oh man, I really blew it this morning. That can only mean one thing: Growth moment! New Me in the making!”

Feel the enormous difference?

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As I remind my clients — growth is never a straight line. It’s a series of wins and lessons. A mistake, therefore, is simply a missed take.

Yell “Cut!”, keep the cameras rolling, and reshoot the scene until you get it right.

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Put It to Work

1. Write this week’s winning mindset in your journal.
2. The next time you blow it in life or marriage, remind yourself, “Never a loss, always a lesson.”
3. Then take a breath, pause, and get clear on the lesson.
4. Got it? Excellent. Now don’t let that lesson — that growth moment — go to waste! In light of what you just learned, what will you do differently next time?
5. Tell someone about it. Write it down. Reinforce those nascent neural pathways.
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Got a Sticky Situation?

Send me your most challenging marriage question or conundrum. I’ll address it here in a future post.

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Your Coach,