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Two Ancient Quotes. One Sacred Charge.
Hi Reader,
My close friend Javier uses every opportunity to remind me of a simple but powerful truth:
I don’t have to do hard things, I get to do hard things.
I don’t have to workout, I get to workout.
I don’t have to love people in their worst moments, I get to love people in their worst moments.
I don’t have to be a better man, I get to be a better man.
I thought of him and his commitment to beast mode when I stumbled across this ancient quote (62 A.D.) yesterday:
There are two ways to hear that, right?
- You have to do this
- You get to do this
If I ignore Javier and put it in the “have to” category, my ego reacts and starts churning out a litany of protests and objections:
- Yeah, right. I’ll go all out when she goes all out.
- Have you seen my schedule?!
- I’m already stretched too thin.
- Why do I always have to go first?
- What about my needs?
- I’m already a good husband. I help around the house. I don’t yell. I don’t drink. I don’t look at porn (not every day, at least).
- Plus, what would “going all out” accomplish? She’s impossible to please. She’s critical of everything I do!
- Yada, yada.
The result?
Nothing changes.
Mediocrity lives to fight another day.
However ...
If I put our ancient quote in the “get to” category, my inner hero arises, victimhood comes grinding to a halt, and my brain gets pointed in a very different direction:
- Big demands lead to big gains!
- I love being married. I love having someone to shine for. Someone to be great for.
- Yes! Another opportunity to exercise and build up my “husbands go first” muscle.
- Lately, I’ve been giving my best at work but half-assing it at home. That sh#t ain’t right. My wife deserves my best. My family deserves my best.
- “Going all out” means I get to grow!
- I get to evolve!
- I get to destroy the personality defects that have plagued the men in my family line for generations!
- Not only will this bring out the best in my wife, it will bring out the best in me. It’s a win-win.
Have to.
Get to.
Choose wisely.
In closing, I’m reminded of another ancient quote. This one by Epictetus. I’ll leave you with it.
Put It to Work
- Write today’s quotes in your notebook or journal.
- What would it look like to go all out in your love for your wife? Brainstorm. Sketch out a handful of ideas.
- Take one small step in that direction today. No more waiting. Demand the best from yourself.
Need Help?
My friends Javier and Shannan lead a monthly marriage bootcamp, offer coaching for men and women, and produce practical, hard-hitting, and very entertaining video shorts for couples in every stage of marriage.
(If you’re a frustrated or checked-out wife, I highly recommend Shannan’s group coaching program.)
Click here to visit their website (24/7 Marriage) or here to visit their Instagram page. You don’t have to, of course :)
Your Coach,
Hi, I'm Jeff.
I help husbands grow and become great men. The kind their wives swoon over. Join the one percent! New content delivered weekly.
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