Hi Reader,

My close friend Javier uses every opportunity to remind me of a simple but powerful truth:

I don’t have to do hard things, I get to do hard things.

I don’t have to workout, I get to workout.

I don’t have to love people in their worst moments, I get to love people in their worst moments.

I don’t have to be a better man, I get to be a better man.

I thought of him and his commitment to beast mode when I stumbled across this ancient quote (62 A.D.) yesterday:

There are two ways to hear that, right?

1. You have to do this
2. You get to do this

If I ignore Javier and put it in the “have to” category, my ego reacts and starts churning out a litany of protests and objections:

• Yeah, right. I’ll go all out when she goes all out.
• Have you seen my schedule?!
• I’m already stretched too thin.
• Why do I always have to go first?
• What about my needs?
• I’m already a good husband. I help around the house. I don’t yell. I don’t drink. I don’t look at porn (not every day, at least).
• Plus, what would “going all out” accomplish? She’s impossible to please. She’s critical of everything I do!
• Yada, yada.

The result?

Nothing changes.

Mediocrity lives to fight another day.

However ...

If I put our ancient quote in the “get to” category, my inner hero arises, victimhood comes grinding to a halt, and my brain gets pointed in a very different direction:

• Big demands lead to big gains!
• I love being married. I love having someone to shine for. Someone to be great for.
• Yes! Another opportunity to exercise and build up my “husbands go first” muscle.
• Lately, I’ve been giving my best at work but half-assing it at home. That sh#t ain’t right. My wife deserves my best. My family deserves my best.
• “Going all out” means I get to grow!
• I get to evolve!
• I get to destroy the personality defects that have plagued the men in my family line for generations!
• Not only will this bring out the best in my wife, it will bring out the best in me. It’s a win-win.

Have to.

Get to.

Choose wisely.

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In closing, I’m reminded of another ancient quote. This one by Epictetus. I’ll leave you with it.

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Put It to Work

1. Write today’s quotes in your notebook or journal.
2. What would it look like to go all out in your love for your wife? Brainstorm. Sketch out a handful of ideas.
3. Take one small step in that direction today. No more waiting. Demand the best from yourself.

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​Need Help?

My friends Javier and Shannan lead a monthly marriage bootcamp, offer coaching for men and women, and produce practical, hard-hitting, and very entertaining video shorts for couples in every stage of marriage.

(If you’re a frustrated or checked-out wife, I highly recommend Shannan’s group coaching program.)

​Click here to visit their website (24/7 Marriage) or here to visit their Instagram page. You don’t have to, of course :)

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Your Coach,